Welcome to Forgotonia

This is what it now says on the old marquee for the Cinema 1 & 2 (which has been empty since the opening of the new Rialto:

(or something pretty close to that. Didn’t want to get out and snap a cell-phone pic in the rain. Yeah, I’m made’a shugah.)

On Friday evening I stopped by the Wine Sellers on the square for the annual ENG dept. fall gathering of graduate students and faculty.

I felt a bit self-conscious. This was my third year in a row of attending such gathering.

Most of the students I met and befriended at the party two years ago have graduated and/or been out in the world for a year.

In other words, I was a little worried that I might be like the Eric Stoltz character in this movie, (which, if you’ve even SEEN, let alone loved, means you are automatically my friend).

(But of course no one cared about that, it was fun— and because it was an English-major party, I will end the description with this sentence: a good time was had by all.)

Scene from earlier today when I went to do my weekly volunteer gig at Tri States Public Radio’s Audio Information Services:

Me, picking up Entertainment Weekly: Wha— who the hell is that?

AIS staffer1: Hmm?

Me: (gesturing at cover) This—this woman here! Who the hell is that? It’s certainly not Pam (Jenna Fischer). Right?!? She’s totally had a nose job or something.

AIS staffer1: Yeah, they’ve totally got her airbrushed or something.

Me: (depressed) It can’t be her. There’s no way.

AIS staffer 2, (looking at cover): Maybe it’s the woman Jim (John Krayzinski) is marrying. You know, because he is getting married in real life.

All three of us: (leaning in and looking at the cover, trying to decide.)

Me: (sighing) No, I’m afraid it really is her. They surely wouldn’t put him on the cover with his real wife, would they?

AIS staffer 2: (Shaking in her head along with me in dismay) Yeah, it’s awful how in Hollywood even the beautiful people are always getting plastic surgery done, making the rest of us normal people feel really bad about ourselves.

I have to say, I thought something was strange before I even saw this cover. Granted, I’ve only seen one episode of “The Office” so far his season. (I’m continuing to try to go TV-less at my house and catch up via C-Nor’s sweet Hulu-on-huge-monitor-in-the-living-room setup.)

But even during that first episode I turned to Chris and said, “Is it just me or does Pam look kinda funny somehow? It’s like…something’s strange about…her nose.” (Chris goes, “Well, she is supposed to be pregnant on the show.” And I was all, “Whaa?? And your point?”)

But now that I see this cover… it’s less “something’s slightly off” and more “no longer recognizable as the same person.”

I would like to boo and hiss loudly at the possibility that this actress, who is cute/beautiful/ perfectly “normal,” possibly had surgery on her face— or that Entertainment Weekly thought she needed one via Photoshop.

What do you think? Do I just need my glasses cleaned?

Or this is a disturbing new Bizarro Pam ?

1. The Spaz is back open!

As I reported awhile back, this badly needed eatery-option had been in a sad-seeming state recently.
Chris and I went on Sunday night. We were about the only people in there, sadly.


2. Spirit in the Sky has acquired the inventory from Bliss.

(You can browse the selection while making sure to pick up your Slutty Version of a Disney Character costume for Halloween!

But what will happen to the empty space where Bliss was located?

Let’s hope for something other than an insurance office or dream catcher emporium, shall we?

A: It ain’t pot!

There’s a story in the McDonough County This Week (a.k.a. the junk mailer you get for free on Mondays) that describes an old factory in Macomb that’s being torn down along Hemp Road.

(First of all, how can it be that I didn’t know Macomb has a “Hemp Road”?

Second, do you think the city has to constantly deal with young pranksters stealing that street sign for prime basement-placement?)

Anyway, the story went into lots of detail about the architectural makeup of the old building, but neglected to mention one detail I was hung up on:

where the heck is it?

As I was reading about all the products this place used to produce, I wondered if it’s one of those rusty and crusty old landmarks you drive past all the time without ever stopping to notice—until suddenly you drive by and there’s an open lot in its place.

Apparently at one point, this Macomb factory’s most famous product was the Little Brown Jug
insulated cooler (see pic at top).

But I couldn’t form a mental picture of which factory this story was talking about.

So I whipped out my trusty Google Maps (no re-folding needed!) and the answer is…

…well, how the heck do you describe where this is in Macomb? :

(Kinda like…. “between nothing and not much”?)

But I guess just for the sake of a piece of history being removed, I’ll have to try to make an effort to drive out there next time I’m on the east edge of town.

(Which I guess means, “sometime when I need to go to Wal-Mart.” Which actually means

“…probably tonight after class. I’m out of milk.
Or pick your day, since it seems like I’m there twice a week, minimum, no matter how much I try to plan ahead.”

Sigh.

Why do I feel like this would not be the case if I possessed a Little Brown Jug?)

Thanks to the commentors on yesterday’s post.

I hope all of us will be proven wrong and The Spaz will re-open with a bustling business.

Or that, if not, something good will open up in its place.

(Dear Local Alderman: What can we do to get a Panera up in this mug?)

Is it just me, or are things on the southwest side of the square looking a wee bit depressing?

Chris and I were taking a walk around the square over Labor Day Weekend when we stumbled upon the revelation that things apparently aren’t going too well:

1. According to a sign taped on the door of The Spaz, (which is the kind of casual-but-not-greasy-spoon, lots-of-options, coffee-bar-that-actually-stays-open-during-the-evening place Macomb really, really needs), the business will soon be under new management.

Ok, maybe not a big deal.

But when I happened to pass by it again last Friday noon, the place was still shuttered.

I wonder what it will take for Macomb (a town with thousands of college students in it) to keep a coffee shop open past dusk. Srsly!

(oh, and btw, I tried to put my coffee-money where my mouth is and support them this summer, but since I was the only soul in the place they kinda had to ‘hint’ me out.)

Does anyone out there know about the future of The Spaz?

2. Kittycorner from there, Bliss has gone kaput.

This one, too, had a sign on the door. But it listed a phone number any interested buyers could call.

It’s a bummer, at least in the sense that it was a somewhat unique, hip, locally owned business (and downtown, vs. in a strip mall) that didn’t make it.

But hey, watch for a classified ad:

“Wanted: size 0′s to shop at close-out sale! Lots of XS, XXS, and XXXS items; all must go!”

Q: Why the strings?
Attempt at social commentary by rogue toy-maker?
(Discuss.)

Chris, incredulous: “They want 30 bucks for this thing and it doesn’t even have the glasses!”

Exact replica of one of my absolute favorite toys from childhood. I would’ve bought it if I could have justified it/ thought of a place to put it. (“Hi, welcome! Just have a seat over on the…well, just move that Fisher Price doll house outta the way…”

Write your own caption here.

And here.

Also spotted:

• About half the people I went to high school with.
• An Amish girl using an empty Blue Bunny Ice Cream bucket as a purse.
• Me dropping kernel after kernel of kettle corn on the ground with each turn we took, as if I were trying to leave a trail for our way back to the car, (because I am apparently not coordinated enough to walk and snack at the same time).
• Chris sweetly offering me the last nacho in the basket–a cheesy one, even–and then me missing my mouth and dropping it cheese-first on the ground.
• Lots and lots of politically incorrect, anthropomorphic kitchenware.
• The exact set of orange-and-brown-mushroom decorated baking canisters my grandma had in her kitchen.
• A book having to do with Abraham Lincoln’s “Lost Speech,” (or something like that), on which the cover displayed a drawing of a raving, irate Lincoln–who appeared to be screaming, hands raised over head. I am *so* ticked at myself that I did not by this.
• This, as we were on our way out, searching for my car in the vast “parking lot”: A man and woman each carrying a humongous, squawking macaw. (You tell me.)

1. Ewwwww. That is so, so gross.

2. In one day, in the classified section of the Western Courier (WIU student newspaper), Spirit in the Sky ran an ad stating that the shop would be screening some kind of conspiracy-theory-sounding documentary (about anthrax or something like that).

Directly underneath?

An ad from the same store:

“Stripper poles coming soon! Ladies, sign up for lessons.”

3. My friend and colleague-ish sort of person, Rich Egger, had his local story picked up by NPR’s All Things Considered.

It’s about a manufacturing business in Bushnell, IL (see some pix of Bushnell here) that found a creative way to keep from cutting jobs. So cool! You can listen to the story here.

As a lifelong resident of Forgotonia, I’ve driven through Colchester a gazillion and a half times in my life. (jealous?)

But a few weeks ago, when C-Nor (otherwise known as Chris Norton, my boyfriend) and I were taking a little trip to Argyle* for a picnic, it hit me that I now have no reason to drive through it anymore, since I can take the new 4-lane when I’m going back home to Carthage to visit the p’s.

*Chris, who is an out-a’-towner, accidentally referred to the site of our picnic as “Lake Argoyle,” which I thought was really cute and which might prompt me to re-christen it.

Anyway, when we were done with our picnic, we cruised downtown Colchester. And I, of course, had the urge to snap some photos (see all below.)

For those of you who don’t live in the area, but who might have read and loved The Bootlegger: A Story of Small-Town America (and who also happen to be reading this blog—a stretch, I realize), I thought I’d point out that there really isn’t much to “see” in terms of historical ties to that book.


You can’t, for example, get your picture taken next to a memorial where the famous rum-runner was gunned down (although you can find people [like my own grandpa] who can point to spots where they know things happened / where they know bullet holes once used to be.

And I heard a rumor recently that a house in Colchester has, like, a hidden basement compartment thing-y where the ‘legger used to hide his stuff. Cool!)

But you can get a real sense of times gone by, just by seeing the faded ads on the sides of the old brick buildings.

Colchester Hotel. Not sure this one comes with white fluffy robes…

I had thought these flags were a great detail of old small-town Americana—so faded and dirty (still hanging up after decades in a shuttered building?)
Turns out, up close, they’re faux-distressed.
Heh.

Old tobacco ad.

One of my favorite landmarks along ‘old 136.’ A former place both to pray and buy antiques.
(What more is there in the world?)

Chris took this one. Because he has a sick sense of humor. (Draw your own mental arrow.)
Sorry.
But how could I not share?

I don’t know what’s for sale here, but I think I might like it.

I was gonna throw this pic out, since you can’t really tell it’s supposed to be a pic of the faded lettering for Lake “Arogyle.” But I just can’t bring myself to trash it, what with how that Allis Chalmers just happened to pull into the frame.

Because of the new 4-lane, this might be the first Labor Day Weekend of my life that, when I travel over to Ctown to see the p’s, I won’t have to sit through inching-along traffic on 136 as the tiny town tries to handle all the traffic coming in for the giant flea market.

Will you be taking in Colchester/Lake “Argoyle”‘s biggest event this year?

What’s the best part?

Leave me a comment below.